Have you ever been in a situation where the more you succeed the more insecure you become? That's this week's Frumpy Friday post. Now before you read on, I want to urge you to have an open mind to what I'm saying. Some of you may read this and think, "Well, wish I had that problem." Others may read it and relate. I want to share it because it has been part of my weight loss journey.
As I have the shared the last couple of weeks, I have lost quite a bit of weight since last May. The weight started coming off slow and steady, about 10 pounds a month. Then in late October, early November, it really started coming off. Keep in mind I was doing nothing different as far as exercise or eating, it is just how my body was responding.
Many people had noticed and complimented my changes. It was encouraging at first. As more weight began to come off I started to get some really interesting comments. I had people asking if I had surgery, or if I was still eating. I had one friend ask me if I was really ok, because a lot of people were worried that I was getting too skinny.
The amount of attention was bizarre and started to make me V.E.R.Y self-conscious. If I took an extra bite of something, I found myself wondering if I had just gained all of the weight back. I was asking a couple of very trusted friends if I looked ill or emaciated. All of the attention was having a very negative effect. As a society, women in particular, we think if we just lose that extra weight we'll be so much more confident, etc. This was making me totally insecure.
And here was the eye opening moment for me. I confessed to some of those trusted friends that I could understand how people could develop eating disorders. All of the focus went on my appearance or size and the perceived pressure to stay that way. Before my weight loss I felt confident in myself. Most people would describe me as outgoing, a leader, etc. I am still those things but I started letting things creep in like, "Now they notice me because I am thinner." "If I gain the weight back, they won't like me as much." What a LIE!!
Why do we do this to ourselves? Why must we always be comparing? Why do we let the enemy get this foothold in our lives?
Please don't misunderstand...compliments are nice. It is encouraging to have your hard work noticed. But the bottom line is that my ultimate approval and encouragement needs to come from God alone. This could have so easily become a pit of obsession for me, and I'll be honest, there are still days that it tries to win. Praise God that I have Him, His Word and trusted friends and family to keep me accountable.
Here is a picture with some of those trusted friends back in November. We were leaving to go see Beth Moore. Thank you Lord for the blessing of people who shoot straight and bring your insight to my life. Do you have that in yours? Because no matter what size you are...you are loved! You are His and you are chosen. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise!!!